There are entire books about the art of dating, and I'm not going to attempt to cram one of those books into a short chapter. I will say, however, that there are some things to keep in mind when going on a date that are relatively universal. One of the biggest traps, as alluded to in the chapter title, is talking about yourself too much. I am, I regret to say, a multiple offender, but I've learned my lesson. These days, if I want to talk about myself, I write a book; on dates, I try to ask a whole lot of questions.
Your date, you may be surprised to know, doesn't necessarily want to get a verbal dissertation about why you're the perfect person, much less the perfect person for her. Instead, all she desires is flowing conversation. Below, a simple example of a flowing conversation:
Person A asks a question. Person B answers that question and tells a pertinent story. Person A asks a question relevant to that story. Person B answers that question, and poses a new question to Person A, who breaks out with a story that leads to more questions.
See how this works?
This shouldn't take a diagram, but many people lose the ability to refloc I upon I heir own behavior when on a date. Witness shows like
Blind Date, in which people do the stupidest things and don't even realize it until they see the videotape, when it's way too late to recover from their mistakes. You will not have a videotape to record your mistakes, so you have to try a little bit harder not to make them. Once in a while, if you notice that you've been dominating the conversation the way the Yankees dominate the Tigers, you might just want to stop and apologize for yapping so much.
Copping to a flaw is much better than being unaware of it—and if you can catch yourself in midstream, after going on for fifteen minutes about yourself—you may even be forgiven for it. Better yet, she may even tell you that she finds your stories interesting or funny and give you free license to continue your monologue. Still, most people would rather talk about what they know best (themselves) than listen to some stranger prattle on about the time he saved a spotted owl while working with Habitat for Humanity in Portland. Although I'm sure it's a really good story.
TMI (Too Much Information)
Another thing that trips up a lot of people is what is commonly known as TMI, or Too Much Information. Yes, believe it or not, baring your soul on a first date is almost universally considered a dating no-no. There is a time and place for everything, and the time for psychotherapy is from 1 to 1:50 P.M. on Tuesdays, not from 10 P.M. to 2 A.M. on Saturday nights. We all have our vulnerabilities, our anxieties, our fears, our baggage, our hang-ups, our insecurities, and our skeletons. Leave them at home, the same way you do when you go to work each morning.
Just because you have a rapt audience for a few hours doesn't mean that you need to air all of your dirty laundry in that time. I can only say this stuff because I have, at times, been guilty of this myself, and I certainly sabotaged some decent dates with my inability to shut my mouth. (I can only imagine a handful of women I've gone out with nodding their heads right now in unison. A blanket apology to all of you.) Some of us have to learn the hard way. Others can read books instead.
Here are some other little things that I think are important to remember.